Oh, I wish I were an 'OSCAR' meyer Winner

Ok, shameless pun in the title. Watching the Oscars. GET CHRIS ROCK OFF THE FREAKIN' STAGE!!!!

Seriously, I went to the car to start charging my phone during his opening monologue, just to escape the incessant 'whine-age'. Good gosh, let's use every cliched racial joke we can, shall we?

I finally started laughing when Robin Williams got up to present the Oscar for Animated Feature Film. The man is a comic genius - - the schtick about 'Don't worry about the Pixar people, they have iPod stock, they'll be ok.' made me roll!

Oh, great...here's Chris again....and yet another 'black' joke. Why is it that he's such a one-joke wonder and yet he gets to host the Academy Awards? I am honestly sick and tired of ethnicity being the basis for comedy. It's not funny any longer people - no matter who you're joking about.

And, what about the presentations in the audience? Part of the pure, overblown grandeur was watching the 'deer in the headlights' look these non-acting individuals had while making their way to the stage. Why should they be relegated to some lower status, as if their creative contribution is somewhat less valuable?

Wow, Drew Barrymore is looking good. I like the red hair.....let it down, girl....the 'do is a little too matronly. On the flip side, if Beyonce's hair was pulled up any higher in that ponytail....they'd catch her eyebrows, too. I do have to say, though, I definitely can appreciate her singing. She makes Celine Dion look like some tired Vegas act......wait - nevermind.

Can they cinch Scarlett Johannsen's waist any tighter? I am all for old Hollywood glamour...but when her top half is severed halfway through the show, I am gonna be sad, because she's so cute. Pierce Brosnan with laryngitis? Now we know what he's gonna sound like when he's a grumpy old man.

Oh, yeah...let's bring an animated character up there with him.....*grimaces* anyone remember Rob Lowe and Snow White? You'd think the Academy would have learned. And bringing up ALL the Costume Design nominees up on stage at the same time? NO NO NO!!! That's cruel and inhuman...you get scrutinized while your work and the work of your colleagues is discussed....and then the audience gets to watch your walk of shame off the stage when you lose? And can you say visions of 'Miss America' as the non-winners smile graciously and clap? I was just waiting on the tiara and the huge funeral-like spray of roses.

Cate Blanchet is arguably the most gifted actress of our time. Thank goodness she won. I would have boycotted the rest of the program had she lost out this year. AND YUCK - did Laura Linney forget to wash her hair? Natalie Portman always looks like a cute little wood nymph. She's got a great career ahead of her....give her ten years - I bet she'll have an Oscar of her own by then.

Ok, I loved the tribute Johnny Carson. He was the king of self-deprecating humor and a master of the one-liner - - the adage of 'It isn't funny if you have to explain it?' He never did have to explain it. It only made it more clear that Chris Rock wasn't the right choice to host. Chris is the HBO Special type of comedian. If he can't pepper his speech with f-bombs and other profanities....he just isn't in his element.

Wow...Kirsten Dunst has finally decided to start dressing her age again - not like a geriatric retiree in Southern Florida.

The Counting Crows deserve to win for Best Original Song on the merits of Adam Duritz's hair alone. It doesn't hurt that I adore "Accidentally in Love". It's catchy, it's upbeat...it's happy.

Anyone else think the Chris Rock/Adam Sandler bit fell on its face?

*Yawn* Obligatory President of the Academy speech. Ok, nice bit to thank the members of the armed forces. Al Pacino looks like he just climbed out of a dumpster.

Beyonce Round II. Singing "Learn to be Lonely"........how can she sing with that huge necklace hanging around her neck like an albatross?

Jeremy Irons - "I hope they missed." By far...the best line of the night.

Kate Winslet. She's getting too skinny now. But that blue/lavender color is great with her hair and skintone.

Penelope Cruz and Selma Hayek presenting the awards for Sound Mixing and Sound Editing. Love 'em both...but the accents - while gorgeous - made it difficult to understand the nominees' names.

Yay! Carlos Santana!!....and ........ Antonio Banderas? Ok...we'll go with it. Antonio makes scary faces when he sings.

Oh, and did Prince not make it to rehearsal - where they help coach you on how to pronounce the names of the nominees? And the gentleman who won? Jorge Drexler? I thought it was quite the original touch to sing a portion of his Oscar nominated song as his acceptance speech.

Hillary Swank? Not so much. Great actress...but that acceptance speech. At least she remembered to thank her husband this time around.

'Word Up'........

Guitarist Brian "Head" Welch, a founding member of Korn, has left the band and has rededicated his life to Christianity, according to the group's management.

Ringers 101.....

Someone commentted anonymously on my blog and said they wanted the 'Mahna Mahna' ringer.

Easiest way to get it is to subscribe to 3gupload, since I placed it there. But, if that doesn't tickle your fancy....give me your contact information and I will send the file to you. Then you can upload it a number of ways, including:

1. Sending it to your cell via email (if you have a web-enabled phone) and then opening the email and saving the attachment as as download and using it.

2. Calling your favorite IT friend and having them help you (Thanks, Eric, for making my phone 'Mahna Mahna' for me.)

Cheers, people. I am off to complete my workday.

Going to the dogs.....

This weekend, I made a flying trip home to help out with the family catering business.

I was supposed to leave on Friday - but I had to get the title of my truck transferred into my name (why does any interaction with a governmental entity here in DFW take a minimum of three and a half hours?) and my sis saw fit to send me on a scavenger hunt (detailed in Friday's post).

So, I didn't end up leaving until Saturday morning. Early Saturday morning. As in 'you were probably still asleep' Saturday morning.

I got to the catering business and helped set up a local wedding....then worked on the dinner gala for Rescue the Animals. It was the 2005 Dog Bone Festival and Fur Ball. Yes, people and their pets arrive in droves (by the hundreds....hundreds of the two-legged AND four-legged variety). It's all in good fun. Some people really do treat their pets like people. There were 'Elvis' and 'Priscilla'....two little dogs dressed to resemble Elvis Presley (complete with silver jumpsuit) and Priscilla...in a cute frilly skirt.

I had fun checking out a chocolate lab...with her nails painted a bright pink to match her collar and leash. (NO - I will NOT do that to my dog). She was sweet and had a great personality....on top of being a gorgeous dog.

Anyway - after it was over...I spent a little while talking to Todd. It was disturbing, to say the least. Nothing I will go into here...but I am worried about him. It seems he's done a 180 in the last three months and isn't the same person he was when he and I divorced....much less the one I married. Are we just in the process of growing apart? Is he just screwing stuff up? Why do I even worry? Too much to think about.

Anyway, I did dwell on a lot of it on the drive back to DFW. I decided it was a good idea to drive back in that night...got in about 1:00am. I was tired...but glad to be back in my own little apartment.

...... a cautionary tale.....

Being noble is overrated, my friend.

....on the road again......

I am 'sposed to be in Roscoe right now....except my sis sent me on a scavenger hunt looking for specific items they are gonna need this weekend.

I can't find an inexpensive, small Dallas Cowboys replica helmet that isn't $50.00

PEOPLE - I LIVE IN FREAKIN' IRVING, TEXAS!!!!!

/my head asplode

And.....introducing

" 7. Chocolate Female SOLD "

(Update: The Stewart Labs site is being moved...so you won't be able to link to it for a while. But, I am still getting my baby lab. Now I will be the proud owner of a male mini-dachshund and a female lab puppy. I am gonna have my hands soooooo full.)

ARGH

I'm working my way up to a really good rant here, people. And, it ain't gonna be pretty. Hold your horses - - - 'cause I am still building up a good head of steam.

Let's just say....no, let's not.

I'm having an innocent flirtation.....

....with a graphite-colored BMW Z3.

We see each other every day. Actually - - a couple of times a day. It would probably be more, except people know my penchant for not being a morning person....I usually don't hit the office until shortly after 8am. So, my BMW friend is probably at work by then.

I see 'him' (yep, it's a 'HE'...the driver, I mean) when I am out and about doing errands during lunch. He's on Mockingbird. I see him on Irving Boulevard when I am driving home. Which is quite strange, since I don't leave the office at 5pm like clockwork. Monday, it was like 6:30....yesterday it was closer to 7....and today it was at 5:15. But, all three days, we met up on Irving Boulevard.

I think the Z3 is flirting with my convertible. I managed a grin and a small wave last night - because I had the top down. The Z3 was playing coy - - - its top was up. But, it's been a little more daring on occasion - - he's had his top down a couple of times, too.

Wow...this sounds relatively obscene, huh? Anyway....it's all in good fun. Nothing will ever happen. I mean - what kind of offspring could a Z3 and a convertible Sebring LXi ever produce? ha ha

Valentine's Day

Do you know that this is the first time in eight years that I haven't had a Valentine?
It kinda sucks, man.

Motley, Maroon and Willie

Just some of the concerts I wanna see. But Motley is sold out and my 'contact' isn't forthcoming with tickets...meanie-boy.

Maroon - - - I wanna go...but I don't wanna buy tickets.....I just don't know what kind of show that they put on yet.

Willie - still hope.

Lying in bed....just finished some work for tomorrow...contemplating the relative merits of a bath vs a shower. To be topped off by a nap. Sounds like a plan to me.

I have no rants right now. I have no argumentative shout-outs to the world. I have nothing but a tired little mind and a tired little body. Such is life.

Prayers out to D....although he made August hell for me and single-handedly caused my cynical outlook on the male species (ha ha)...he's still a human. Seems he had a heart attack yesterday. So - - pray for healing and peace for him since I know he is worried.

Un-Jeri-Like

I did something very un-Jeri-like.
No more to follow...so don't even ask.

But I am giggling inside. A few people know. And most agree...it's most un-Jeri-like.

I want this week to end.

'Nuff said. I want to curl up in my comfy bed and sleep away the entire weekend....which, hopefully, I will do.

Why Blog if You Can't Blog About What You Want?

That's it. I am starting a new blog. The uncensored, behind-the-scenes version of Unfortunate Serendipity.

Only problem? I am not giving the address out to anyone. A-N-Y-O-N-E.

This is where I will let the real me emerge - - the place I don't have to worry about 'friend placement' or making sure someone gets a mention.

This is where I will also finally let those little cracks in my psyche show....and I think it will do me good to allow it.

No - this blog is not to get back at people...or to share gossip. It's to force myself to take a good, hard look at myself.....so that I can seriously gauge whether or not I am making progress....or backsliding.

I have had to examine myself...my motives and drives.....and realized a lot of things about myself that I don't like. Scratch that - - things I abhor. Things I do and then regret......things I don't do and then regret.

To the friends....I will still post on Unfortunate Serendipity..probably as much as always.....but, realize - the real me will be posting somewhere else....with no publicity. I have found that Unfortunate Serendipity has helped me along the way - - - but I haven't been truly honest and open. I skim over some things...and skip others I decide I don't want to share with the world. Unfortunate Serendipity has been my fun and entertaining missive to the world. Well, now I won't have that excuse. Sometimes the cruelty of the written word on a page is the wake-up call you need to rise from the ashes and become a different person. I sure hope so - - because I plan on being brutally honest with myself.

Feline Fixation

I am intent on turning the temporary roommate's cat against him. It's a devious ploy. He's since gotten his own place...but the feline will be residing with me for an additional period of time. I just hope it is enough to implement my 'fall in love with aunt Jeri' plan.

So far, it's been going gangbusters. She's got a 'foot love' thing going on. She'll inch up to where your foot is resting on the carpet, then give it a gentle nudge with her head. If there is not an immediate response, then she gives a follow-up nudge. A HARD nudge, as if she is reminding you that yes, indeed, she is not a piece of furniture and she wants attention NOW. NOW. Yes, NOW.

If you still refuse to respond, she will bestow upon you a look of total and complete disdain - as in 'how can you be so dense?'.....and she'll then reach a paw out and playfully tap the bottom of your foot, to ensure it is awake and ready to respond.

At that point, with the foot ticklin', you can't keep still. And, you realize that if you don't move ahead with the kitty love, you will be the recipient of incessant foot tickling until you DO give the kitty love.

Amazingly - when she moved in, she only stayed in her carrier for a few hours, then began to explore the house. She has a fixation with the closet - most likely because she could probably get lost in the mounds of clothing all over the place. She also likes her 'under the bed' hiding place....though how she has managed to make it under and back out without being attacked by the monsters under the bed (YES, THEY DO EXIST) boggles me.

She's actually warmed up to me...and will hop up on the couch when I am watching TV or working. She's even managed to propel her bulk (all eighteen pounds of it) up onto the bed with me and enjoyed a few chapters of a Clive Cussler book. Well, I enjoyed the book..she enjoyed a back rub. I would have preferred a back rub myself...but she's not that talented.

Now that we have her 'dad' firmly ensconsed in his new casa a nice little distance away...I can concentrate on making her like me more. Somehow, I think it is a losing effort...but I'm gonna try.

Gotta go - more Superbowl commericals. Yeah...my head asplode.

Superbowl Sunday at home

I am sitting at home at 4:30pm on Superbowl Sunday. I am not feeling extremely social, thus my solitary celebration of the 'All-American Holiday'.

Part of it is the fact that I helped a group assist the temporary roommate in moving his assorted belongings to his new 'Zen Casa'.

So, the itch hit me today - - I wanted to clean...and clean...and hang up my 'pretties' - - my decorations. Yes, I know I moved in at the first of October, but I just couldn't make myself settle in. Now that I have marred the walls with nails - I feel at home. I am doing laundry and have scrubbed down the countertops. About to run that noisy dishwasher...and the refrigerator is quaking in fear because I am about to rip it apart and clean out anything in there that has developed the ability to think for itself or move independently of its container.

Why can't I get into the Superbowl this year? *sigh* I don't know. I am a Cowboys fan....so there is always a tiny bit of ambivalence when they don't make the big game. But - this year - I think it is because I am busy with work...and my house looks like a tiny tornado tore through it this week. So, to all my friends having Superbowl celebrations, I am sorry - but I think I am gonna celebrate 'clean'.....clean sheets...clean laundry...clean floors.

Oh, of course I am gonna watch the game...can't miss my commericals, you know.

Habaneroooooouuuuch

When the weather got cold this past week - - I decided I needed to make some chili. The temporary roommate was all for it - and reminded me of his affinity for hot and spicy foods.

To that end, I hit the supermarket and proceeded to gather the ingredients for some world-class chili. Arbol, serrano and habaneros - - - I didn't discriminate. I picked up some of each.

I sauteed some chopped habaneros, serrano and arbol peppers and added them to the mix with the usual ingredients. After simmering, I decided a taste-test was in order. Um......hhhooooootttt. So, to cut the initial 'bang' I mixed in eight ounces of sour cream. It did an amazing job of toning down the initial heat. Of course, it was a misleading little thing. You get the initial flavor of the chili, smooth and quite rich. But, wait for it....wait....wait. Yep - ten seconds later, your mouth is on fire.

I was quite proud of myself. I am such a mischievous chef.

Update: Scrub your hands very, very carefully if you undertake the habanero endeavor. Let's just say my eyes were smarting for two days - because I kept rubbing them.

Mahna Mahna

I have developed the weirdest fixation with the little Muppet "Mahna Mahna" song. Seriously, go Google it and watch it. You'll remember it. I managed to find the ringer and stick it up on 3gupload. Yes, I assigned it to one of my friends - the one who showed me the "Mahna Mahna" clip in the first place. It's his comeuppance for giving me the melodic earworm that tormented me for two whole days. Though, now it is truly funny - - when my cell phone goes off at work, I find myself inserting the necessary "Mahna Mahna" while fumbling to flip the darn thing open. I have noticed a few other coworkers hum along to it, too. Just like another member of our staff - who has an equally recognizable ringtone. I think mine is gonna have a shelf life of a week or so before the novelty wears off.

Sitting at home tonight - - sudsing up the dirty clothes and trying to convince myself that lights out prior to 10pm is a good idea. So far, it ain't working. There's something within my DNA that is screaming 'You old fart! If you tuck in prior to 10:00 you might as well get ready for the assisted living facility!' I'm trying really hard to drown out that little voice with some Elvis T. Busboy and the Texas Blues Butchers. And, so far - Elvis and the boys are doing a good job of squashing that incessant, whiny part of my psyche.

Speaking of ETB - friends and I went to their show on Friday night down at Deep Ellum Blues. It was fantastic - even if one of my dear friends had to bribe them in order to ensure I got to hear my favorite song - - which is a rollickin', raucous little number guaranteed to get you going - - along with everyone else in the room. John Sprott, the lead guitarist, climbed up on two chairs and 'walked' them back and forth in front of the stage, never missing a beat.

I wholeheartedly give them two thumbs up - - going back in March when they're at Deep Ellum Blues again.

Anyways, ladies, gents and Chris ('cause I KNOW you're reading this...), this girl has laundry calling, and the last half of 'Collateral' to watch.