I'm feeling like a Monday, but someday I'll be Saturday Night.....

Saturday was a miasma of lethargy, interrupted by brief moments of pure energy.

The dogs went to the vet. Both of them. At the same time. At Banfield - which is inside PETSMART. They were way too into exploring. Now I know how a mom feels with two toddlers inside Toys R Us.

I am still fighting back the urge to request social security numbers for my dogs and claim 'em on my tax returns as dependents - - for how much their vet care set me back.

Vet Tech: "Miss Freeman, the initial visit today, plus testing and vaccines, will be approximately $318.00 for each of the dogs."

Me: "Can't you just charge by the pound?"

Vet Tech: "Will that be cash, check or charge?"

(Some people just have no sense of humor.)

Luckily, I thought ahead and enrolled them in a pet-wellness program, that covers examinations, phone consultations, vaccines, etc etc. So....what could have been a coronary-inducing event was rendered unnecessary - and I am almost over the heart palpitations. I still dropped over $250.00 at the vet alone...on set-up fees and the first month's premium. Still, I was thinking that bearing children couldn't be much more expensive....

Then, of course, we had to go play in the pet utopia that is PETSMART. We have matching collars now (the dogs...not me....I am not into collars), color-coordinated leashes, a new self-waterer, a really really nice stainless steel food dish, new treats and a huge stuffed camel. You heard me. I let 'em pick out a toy - - and they went ape over this hilarious stuffed camel with really long legs that rattle. Diva grabs one leg....Topher latches onto another....and Toph gets transported rather rudely across the floor. Add on various and sundry other puppy related stuff...and I walked out of there an additional $200.00 lighter in the wallet area.

A nap was in the plans.....I got the heathen children settled at home, promised Blue Vertigo I'd give him a call around 5:00, and I said goodbye to the world. Until the phone rang. I was grumpy - - it was Blue Vertigo. Seems I had slept through my 5:00pm wake-up....and it was closing in on 7:30pm. I felt like a heel.

I wasn't feeling up to a big night out, so we had a low-key evening in, just hanging out.

Here's my recipe for the perfect Saturday night:

• Good Company
• A couple of Freebirds burritos
• 'SpaceBalls'
• and, then at 2:00am 'The Three Amigos'

I know it sounds like I was a bump on a log. I am not ashamed of it. I told Blue Vertigo that I was feeling a little depressed - and I don't know why. I have no reason to be depressed. I think the evening in did me quite a bit of good....because I didn't have to put on the "happy Unfortunate Serendipity' mentality and be charming. Instead, I curled up on the couch, inhaled a Freebirds burrito, and belched and acted like a four year old. Yep, that's me.

Oh, Joaquin

For those of you who are wondering what 'undisclosed treatment center' Joaquin Phoenix checked himself into two weeks ago........here you go:

It's my house.

No calls, please. And, definitely no visitors. We're working on his issues together.

Villa d'Freeman Treatment Program will be issuing press releases as news is warranted.

My 8 1/2 week old.....16lb 'baby'

She's definitely a momma's girl. Diva and Topher and I went up to Addison to play at Blue Vertigo's house. While there, his buddies J and N showed up with their beagle, Bailey. Diva wasn't too sure about the beagle...she preferred to stay in my lap. I hate to break it to her...but in a couple of months, she's gonna have to relinquish the 'lapdog' title.

After this pic above was taken, she settled in and fell asleep - flat on her back...right in my lap. It was adorable....except for my leg falling asleep under her weight. I kept fussing with her, thinking she'd wake up....no dice. That dog was out.




Above is Diva playing couch Goddess. I think she was watching Blue Vertigo and Topher play on the floor......




And, finally, above is a pic of my traitor-dog....she's getting some Blue Vertigo love. He's nicknamed her 'Ghetto-booty'.....and based on the size of her posterior, the moniker is warranted. Poor little Toph is stuck with the nickname 'Red-butt'....and it fits on a number of levels, including attitudinal ones. I have now dubbed them 'The Mocha Wonder' and the 'Cinnamon Flash'.

So - at least I finally have multiple pics of both of my babies on here. Just be glad I don't have a human child.

KK's Getting Married!!!!!!!!!

KK's getting married.

She's a dear, sweet friend who functioned as my assistant while I was imprisoned in the Correctional Unit in Abilene - - and she is getting married!!!!!!
(Take the first letter of each of the bolded words and rearrange them to get my former place of employment. And, just kidding about what I call it....I think. Work there for five years, then let me know what you think! haha)

Anyway - blessings to her, lucky little girl. You should see the size of the rock she's sporting. Now, I know that size isn't everything...but diamonds are a girl's best friend. Plus, she's been waiting for this one for a while. She is the most patient and well-grounded person I know. She never got into the 'gotta get married' mentality that turns most women into pathetic shrews.
Her honey just happened to fall under her spell...naturally!!!!

She is the bomb. And I adore her.

Congrats KK.

Incoherent

Supposedly, Blue Vertigo called me last night. I say 'supposedly' because I don't recall the conversation. But, Blue Vertigo's number shows up on the caller ID and is backed up further by the 'Duration' column reading 00:03:00.

Do I recall any of this three minute conversation? Nyet. Blue Vertigo's mum on the topic of conversation. He said was pretty out of it.

Honestly, I have always been aware of my inability to wake up and actually hold a phone conversation.....If you ever need sensitive or personal data about me - all you have to do is pick up the phone and call me in the middle of the night.

Want my Social Security Number? You got it. My credit card numbers, expiration dates and cute little three digit security codes? They're all yours. How about my bank account number? Bingo, buddy. Unbeknownst to 'me' my subconscious will do anything to get rid of an interruption. Plus, I think the 'filter' between my mind and my mouth has a curfew....somewhere around midnight, it seems.

So, Blue Vertigo...if I gave you my bank account number.....will you just run by and make a deposit? The balance is looking a little anemic today.

My two favorite men on earth - - my nephews!

They came into town yesterday with my sis and and their mom...and we just had to take them to Hooters. Bad Aunt that I am, I got them Hooters shirts and Hooters giftcards for Christmas.

It was soooooo worth it to see them blush at the fuss the girls made over them!

Operation 'Kick Greg Kendall-Ball Out of the Country'

Ok...not really.

GKB and his wife are wonderful, wonderful people who are undertaking a survey trip to Rwanda this summer. They are smart, very dedicated individuals wishing to make God's work their work outside the US. GKB can see the light at the end of the educational institution tunnel...and he and the Missus are heart and soul devoted to God's work.

Drop in on him here and consider either:

• Donating what you can through the Paypal account set up on his site
• Passing along Greg's request to your Church family
• Praying for the success of this endeavor

I can personally vouch for GKB and his absolute saint of a wife (what else could she be, living with a self-proclaimed 'Pudding Afficionado').

All kidding aside, I want to see these two realize their dream - and I urge you all to help out in any way possible - - Rwanda needs the Kendall-Balls.

Happy Birthday to My Little Sister

I have to stop saying 'My Baby Sister'...because she hates that. I can't find a simple pic of her alone. Loser, she hates pics almost as much as I do.

So, here is one of her, August 12, 2000. She's on the far left. Yup. That was my wedding. The other chicas in the pic are (left to right):

• My best friend Laura
• My cousin Amy
• My dear little Ms. Kaylee - the flowergirl.
  

Ok...'nuff with the wedding stuff. I hated how I looked, except for the great tan. I think I am aging well.

SO, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JONI!

And, yes, if you must know...she's 25, college-educated and owns her own business, boys.

Godiva is my favorite kind of chocolate.

....and, for that matter...my favorite lab, too.

She's gorgeous. I wish I could get a good pic of her...but she chooses a Tasmanian-devilish existence. All pics I get are but a mocha-blur across the screen. Ah, well....maybe we are a little camera-shy.

She's still stand-offish with people. My complex has an (over)abundance of children and pre-teens who are in love with my dogs. Little Diva has yet to grow accustomed to them, as a whole.

If only one or two are about, she will cavort with them, rocking back on her haunches and pouncing with gleeful puppy abandon, punctuated with a shrill little bark and some playful growling.

Once the group increases to three or four, though, she becomes momma's baby again. She races back to me and peers suspiciously from behind my ankles...her tail beating a rhythm alternating between excitement and uncertainty.

I don't mind her playing with the older ones. I do worry about the toddlers here - who pull her ears and poke unsuspecting fingers into her eyes and mouth. Diva is precious and sweet, however she is still an eight-week old puppy - and as such, I fear she might nip at one she considers an annoyance. (I, personally, consider just about every one of them a pain.)

We just got back inside from an extended playtime out in the grass. Both acted like the puppies they truly are.....racing one another and tripping over their little uncoordinated selves. It truly is one of the best forms of entertainment.

Diva is actually learning to sit on command. Maybe I am just imagining it. But, I would like to think she's got a few brain cells. I know she is from hunting stock. She noses around outside until she catches a scent that interests her....then BAM! she goes into classic pointing pose. It's hilarious to see this rotund ball of fluff clumsily trying to point. Maybe I can try to get her to scent out a good place for her 'brother' to go potty...OUTSIDE of my house.

100 Things....(part III)

51. My favorite drink is Diet Coke. Drink the last one in the fridge and die, buddy.

52. I love squeezing lemon into my Dr. Pepper.

53. I have an affinity for big, clunky rings.

54. I hate makeup.

55. My eyesight is horrendous. Enough so that I am going to shell out the massive bucks to have wave-front guided custom lasik in August.

56. I love shoes. LOVE. Especially cute strappy sandals with little kitten heels.

57. My first word was 'Da da'.

58. My second word? 'Chocolate'.

59. My favorite book is.......nah, I can't pick one.

60. I have always wanted to learn to play guitar.

61. My father and mother are my heroes.

62. I love Bob the Tomato from VeggieTales.

63. Freebirds is my heroin.

64. I am addicted to candles from the Tyler Candle Company. Especially the 'Diva'...'Paris' and 'High Maintenance' fragrances.

65. Only one candle ever burns in my bedroom, though. 'Tuscan Herb' by Pier 1.

66. I collect Americana inspired decor - - but it makes me feel all kitschy and stuff.

67. I own a cowboy hat.

68. I refuse to own a pair of cowboy boots.

69. My best friend on earth is Laura - and I am so sad I had to leave her behind in Abilene.

70. I am, and forever will be, addicted to 'Friends'.

71. I like to quote from famous (and obscure) movies at inappropriate times.

72. I have a heck of a temper (duh).

73. I would do anything for my friends.

74. I am the speeding, fender-bender princess of Irving, Texas.

75. Don't tell the Irving PD...they already have it out for me.

One vehicle down.......

I may have sold my car.

Which one, you ask? Why, my Sebring.
To my baby sister.

And, happy birthday to my baby sis tomorrow - she'll be 25! And she says, "I don't WANT to be half of 50!"

My reply? SHUDDUP. Big sis here is almost 30. I don't want to hear it from the cute blonde little sis that she is upset over hitting the quarter-century mark.

100 things.....(part II)

26. My favorite color is sage green.

27. My favorite activity is sleeping....

28. .... followed closely by reading.

29. My favorite movie is actually a tie - between The Princess Bride and Very Bad Things. What can I say? I am a study in contradictions.

30. I worked in Congress in Washington D.C. for a summer when I was 17.

31. I am in love with Jeremy Piven,

32. or Joaquin Phoenix, depending upon my mood.

33. I am extremely close to my family. I talk to either my mom or my dad every day.

34. I have two nephews - demon children whom I adore.

35. I want a niece very very very very very badly.

36. I have been trying to bribe my siblings by promising my diamond engagement ring to the first one to give me a niece.

37. I am painfully shy - believe it or not.

38. I am horribly self-conscious.

39. I have an addiction to old Marilyn Monroe films.

40. My goal is to attend law school and mediate employee law and labor relations issues.

41. I am a hopeless romantic.

42. I am not sure if I will ever marry again. Or even if I want to marry again.

43. My idea of a perfect evening is cooking dinner for my friends and watching a ridiculous movie.

44. I want to take another vacation to Seattle.

45. I have naturally curly hair. Very, very curly.

46. I have a white 2004 Chrysler Sebring LXi convertible.

47. I also have a pewter colored 2002 Chevy Avalanche Z66.

48. I need to sell one - I just can't decide which one.

49. My grandmother taught me to crochet when I was four.

50. I took it up again two years ago, and my first project was a blanket I made and gave to my grandmother that Christmas. It was one of my proudest moments as a grandchild.

Jesus Loves Me

....this I know.......




....otherwise, how could I have gotten these adorable Guess by Marciano red satin sandals with a 2" heel and an adorable flat bow....

for $6.41?

Oh, eBay - how I adore you.

On the way to San Angelo last weekend to pick up the new puppy, my numero uno canine baby was feeling especially insecure. He cried in the kennel cage...he cried on the passenger seat. He cried, cried cried and cried some more.

I finally pulled him into my lap...and ten minutes later, he had worked his way into this position and had settled into the slumber of the righteous (or at least he thinks he is righteous...I think he is a heathen).

Let's pray that the new puppy doesn't try this.

100 Things.....(part I)

A large number of my daily reads have the requisite '100 Things' post(s) somewhere on their blog....so I am gonna give it a go.

1. My middle name is K. Not Kay, or Kate...or even Katie. It is 'K'....one single letter of the alphabet.

2. I have an insane fear of heights. No Space Needle or Tower of the Americas for me.

3. Somehow, though, hurtling through the atmosphere in a rollercoaster doesn't bother me.

4. I have two tattoos.

5. I have seven piercings.

6. I have two parents who don't approve of anything in #4 or #5

7. I am divorced

8. I was married for four years and four days

9. I did all my own divorce paperwork and filed it....even though I wasn't the one wanting the divorce in the first place.

10. My ex husband and I are the best of friends now.

11. My high school mascot was the 'Plowboy'...no lie.

12. I graduated in a class of 31 seniors.

13. My hometown has less than 1,400 residents.

15. I am the original karaoke queen. 1977, eighteen months old, belting out Debbie Boone's "You Light Up My Life" while standing in a high chair clutching a spoon.

16. I have a brother who is only 11 months and 29 days younger than me. We're the 'same age' for two days.

17. I have another brother and a sister, also. All younger than me.

18. We are 29 (me), 28, 26 and 25.

19. I don't want children of my own.

20. I am the proud 'mother' of two puppies.

21. I am not a good disciplinarian - my puppies run the house.

22. I could live off of salads from Texas Land and Cattle and The Olive Garden.

23. As long as I had dark chocolate covered espresso beans to go along with it all.

24. My favorite perfume is L'eau d'Issey by Issey Miyake. Feel free to purchase a bottle for me at your convenience.....I'll even link to it for you

25. My favorite men's cologne is Dolce & Gabbana for men. Feel free to introduce me to a cute man wearing that at any time. I'll melt. It's rather humorous to watch.

Ok...that's the first quarter ..... I will percolate on the next 25 tidbits and get back to you, my little chicks.

Mentally Exhausting

Why is it that I cannot seem to press the 'Pause' button in my mind? Have I just not found it yet? Does it not exist? Somewhere, deep in a crevice, there has to be a synapsis that can be stilled.......a current that can be short-circuited - if only for a moment or two. Surely, in a world blessed with Tivo and DVRs.....someone must have discovered the section of the frontal lobe that controls one's analytical thoughts.

I have been struggling with reconciling my mind and heart on a number of matters recently - what truly resonates with me? Sometimes I know....and sometimes I feel like I am wading through layers of gauze....I can make out faint outlines but can't discern the substance. It's the frustration that gnaws at me....grinding away at my peace of mind and making me question my thoughts and decisions from only moments before.

This isn't meant to be a downer post - - please don't think I am wallowing in depression. That's far from the truth. Just lots of decisions weighing heavily on my already busy mind. I have often said that my life is a huge set of shelves with hundreds of tiny boxes....I must compartmentalize - - and when I need to work on something, I pull that box down and dump out all the minutae contained within. I sort through it, organize it; I discard the immaterial and outdated...and add the important and urgent, tasking myself to completely solve all puzzles and riddles facing me. Then, and only then, can that box be placed high up on the shelf.......and another box pulled.

I 'lose' control when I feel that too many boxes need attention...when some fall off of the shelf and clatter on the floor, spilling their contents across the vast expanse of my consciousness. Every forlorn box on the floor only heightens my awareness that I must spend some time re-evaluating people, places and things.

So, here I sit, doing a mental makeover and wondering just how much I can discard without feeling bereft.....and pondering why I can't seem to just sweep it all under a rug and simply avoid it, like so many others seem capable of doing. I guess I just can't leave things unspoken - though my gut instinct tells me I am opening myself up for future pain. I can't leave things undone, because I thrive on accomplishment - it feeds my insatiable inner demons. And, as evidenced by this post...I can't leave things unthought of, either.

Rollercoaster

First, I was gonna be down in the Rio Grande Valley for two days....then I wasn't.

I didn't really consider how much effort it is to find suitable lodging for two hyperactive canines while out of town. Especially for a very new one...and a housetraining-challenged one.

Luckily - Blue Vertigo has offered his services in housetraining the Spawn of Satan known as Topher. I still don't know if I am gonna take him up on that offer. I'd kinda rather that Blue Vertigo continue to talk to me.

Godiva has definitely come out of her shell. Whereas yesterday, she was content to be cuddled and loved......today she is a rampaging ball of mocha-hued intensity. She and Topher are my little 'Mutt & Jeff'. They're adorable together. It will be even more adorable once he hits his gargantuan final weight of about 9lbs...which will be about one-tenth of the size of Godiva. Can you say 'Napoleon Complex'? Ol' Toph has it in spades.

Operation Puppy Retrieval

(Thanks to Blue Vertigo for the title)

Left Dallas at 5am on Saturday morning (I know, I know...long story - - I was on 'PopeWatch' - - couldn't tear myself away from the TV for updates...and was procrastinating because I didn't want to get in the car and drive for hours) and made it to Abilene at 8am.

Left Abilene at 9am..made it to San Angelo at 10:15, picked up Godiva, and made it back to Abilene by 11:45. Introduced the newest member of the Freeman petting zoo to Chrissy and Chris.

Napped from 2pm to 7pm - then hung out with Chrissy, Kara and a handful of 'the girls'. Oh...and about 40 C-130 pilots and crewmen from Dyess. I got a funny shirt out of it. I just blurted out to one of them, Andy, 'I want your shirt!' He obliged. Heh.....when you've got it...you've got it. Er....maybe...um, probably not so much...but he did hand over the shirt. I will post a pic of it later. Great fun - - Dyess airmen all out wearing shirts that were made especially for the occasion - the 'Abilene Under Siege - Death March 2005'. Ironic, because the Pope passed away....

Anyway - that event is still weighing on my mind. He was the only Pope I actually ever can remember. My worldview, while it developed early, was still in its infancy back in 1978.

Todd met the puppies...and he and I got to talk for a while.

Sleep again...then back to Dallas.

Cleaning - and bonding with Godiva...who, at seven weeks, is almost 15 lbs. Good gosh, I am really in for it now.

Does a bad Friday guarantee a good weekend?

Let's sure hope so.
Because this Friday is shaping up to be a whale of a bust.

The Object of my Frustration

Wow.

So many things seem to have hit at once. I am alternatively exuberant and melancholy.....I go through stretches of the day, singing "I Enjoy Being a Girl" in that annoyingly perky 'Sarah- Jessica-Parker-shilling-for-GAP' way......then I find myself staring in the mirror, angling my face this way and that way - - searching for the first sign of crow's feet or bemoaning the little blemish that could. (You know - - - the one who made a token appearance and just won't go away.)

I have decided being a girl is not necessarily the most fun job on earth. Let me just give you the breakdown on what it takes for Unfortunate Serendipity to get going on any given day.

6:00
The alarm beckons - and is silenced with a thump, as I grumble semi-profanties and burrow back down beneath the covers.

6:25
The first tentative movements begin somewhere down by my right hip. The little bump in the covers begins to migrate upward.

6:27
The bump in the covers finally wiggles its way out. Topher stretches and yawns...then makes a perfunctory nip at my ear - and I swat him away.

6:32
Facedown in the pillow, the back of my head is repeatedly trounced in a left-to-right and right-to-left, 'bound across the bed' romp in morning puppy ritual. I briefly consider at what speed and trajectory a puppy can achieve escape velocity. Instead, I pin him underneath my right knee, against his furious, wiggling protests.

6:35
I doze....Joaquin Phoenix dozes with me. (At least he does in my dreams.)

6:39
I catch the puppy in a vise-like claw-handed grip as he attempts to buzz by my head again. I grumble "Negative Ghostrider, the pattern is full" as I drop his little red butt down onto the floor.

6:40
The alarm clock beckons again. I stumble out of bed and give it a couple of good backhanded shots, which only serve to increase the volume and knock it off of the nightstand. I leave it blaring on the floor as I walk unsteadily to the bathroom.

6:45
Once outside with the dog, I look down and realize that I am clad only in the thinnest of nightgowns - a cordial-red floor length, bias-cut, decolletage-baring number with a sheer back panel. I realize there are people outside. Oh, and it's a little nipply, er nippy. I will Topher to do his business quickly.

6:50
I am beginning to wonder if I could SQUEEZE something out of the dog.

6:55
I give up and pick up the three-pound dog, tuck him against my chest for warmth and coverage, and scurry back inside.

6:55:30
Topher pees on the carpet. I curse all shorthair German badger hunters.

7:00
After cleaning Topher's dime-sized contribution to the carpet, I hit the shower, scrubbing and lathering up.

7:03
I doze. Upright. In the shower. Joaquin Phoenix dozes with me. (hey, it's my dream.)

7:05
I step out of the shower and begin drying my hair. Topher is adamant that my ankles must be licked dry, lest I suffer pneumonia from exposing them to the air to dry on their own.

7:08
I stop to take a look at the frizzed-out mop of unruly red curls springing out in wild abandon. I resolve to cut my hair this week. Not that it will happen. I have been resolving to cut my hair 'this week' for the last four months. I make a half-hearted attempt to tame the tendrils, then declare that they add character to my bohemian look (what bohemian look?) and give them a coating of a silicone-based hair serum. Now it only resembles copper wiring wound into springs.

7:10
I give my first of many exasperated sighs of the day as I face the closet and thumb through the wardrobe for suitable apparel.

7:12
I doze. Upright. In the closet. No, Joaquin Phoenix does not doze with me. He's gone back to bed.

7:14
I finally settle on the outfit du jour. I iron a few pesky wrinkles, nudging Topher away as he tugs on a sleeve or a hem.

7:20
I emerge from the bedroom, tugging at cuffs and straightening my collar...and go looking for my stilleto-heeled black patent leather Bandolino strappy sandals. I locate the left sandal in the closest. The right sandal? It's missing in action.

7:23
Still in search of missing sandal.

7:27
Searching....still.

7:30
Notice Topher is also missing.

7:31
My analytical skills begin to kick in. Missing dog AND missing shoe. Sadly enough, I am more concerned for the shoe's welfare.

7:35
My impending Amber alert is not necessary. Missing canine and footwear are located in the northeast corner of my bedroom...under the bed. Canine is not too thrilled to have to relinquish his chew toy. I am not sympathetic.

7:40
I place the canine out on the patio, where he immediately goes into separation anxiety mode. He whines, nay - he screeches out his fears of abandonment, quaking in fear...positive that I am never to return - - WAIT! What's that over there? A pig's ear chew? He forgets that I even exist.

7:42
I exit the Villa d'Freeman and walk to my car, noticing that someone has parked perpendicular to my row and blocked me and three other cars in. I stew silently. The driver in the car parked beside me is slightly more vocal...honking his horn and yelling in the vicinity of an open apartment door. I didn't quite hear him...but I think he was making statements about the nocturnal activities that the driver of the abandoned car has with his or her maternal unit. I was too busy fiddling with the radio to care.

7:47
The abandoned car is reclaimed by its owner...who doesn't seem to care that there are three drivers blocked by his vehicle. I fear for his personal safety if he chooses to return to the complex. I am not particularly violent...but am rethinking my commitment to peaceful conflict resolution.

7:50
I arrive at the evil mecca known as Starbucks...where I am greeted in true 'Norm' from Cheers fashion. I think it's a sign that I visit my neighborhood coffee beanery a little too often. I don't even get a chance to open my mouth before someone does a call-out for my solo grande mocha frappuchino.

7:57
I whip onto Irving Blvd and make a charge to get ahead of the eighteen-wheeler who is bound and determined to swerve from lane to lane - like a drunken Shaquille O'Neal defending the basket. I manage to roll around the block and get ahead of him.

8:08
I arrive at work. And realize I have no makeup on. Forget it. I don't care. Lip gloss and mascara, and I am golden.

See? It's a comedy of errors for me to simply get out of the house.