I know that spending more time in reflection would do an amazing amount of good for me.
"I've never been one for quiet reflection..."
"I am the catalyst for any and all chaos...the ground zero for an un-expected break from the ordinary."
Yes. I can look back and agree with those statements. NOT without some discomfort and grief.
But, in the present, I compare my current life with the life I lived before.
I work. I work hard. I have always worked hard. However, now I work with additional purpose. I have a family to think about. No, it isn't a husband a children. I work to care for myself, and to care for my mother - to be able to handle the emergencies that arise from time to time. I work towards my future--saving and planning for the day that I might retire (as if it will ever happen...I know the stock from which I was built...we work non-stop until the day we die.)
I work so that I can take care of my little loves. Those three pups get the best of me...and they deserve every bit of it. I've been surrounded by unconditional love of the canine variety since 2005.
I recently told another family member that my pups are my priority. The day that I held each of them for the first time, I vowed to love and care for them for the rest of their lives. They might frustrate me, but they are the most amazing examples of unconditional love. I made a promise to each of them that will never be broken.
I first held Topher as a tiny, wiggly pup of seven weeks. My parents had decided that I needed companionship. Their poor, newly divorced daughter needed SOMETHING to love. And, love I did. That tiny bundle got the best of everything...food, treats, training. I poured my heart and soul into that tiny little life....and cuddled and held him when the world was far too harsh for me.
Today? He's a headstrong, stubborn old man who is over ten years old.
I adopted Brutus from the SPCA when he was three years old. I heard about him on a "Pet of the Week" segment on a local radio station. The second I got to the office, I pulled up the segment. And, that little face sold me. I was waiting outside of the SPCA offices thirty minutes before they opened....because I KNEW that he was meant to be mine. By the time I walked out of there, holding my new little man...there were over one dozen people waiting in line to adopt him. I'm sorry. God gave him to me -- and that has been proven time and time again.
I never even considered another dog. In fact, had you suggested it? I would have told you to shut your mouth. My boys were more than enough for me...
Then, in October of 2010...my mother and sister placed a tiny, five-week old puppy into my arms. And, I was a goner. Now, over four years later? She has proven to be the biggest drain on my financial resources, and the biggest headache I have ever experienced....but I wouldn't trade Lucy Furr for the world. I can look at that tiny little face, with her little bit of blue-eyed innocence (thanks to the bit of dapple dachshund in her lineage)...and realize that she is just hell-bent on living her life to the fullest.
People seem to come and go --- even those who swear that they will stay....
But, my pups were, are and will be my loves and the best examples of the the love that one doesn't truly deserve, but is sooo thankful to receive.
Saturday, March 07, 2015
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
If I die....
...just save my body from the doxies.
At least long enough for me to wear my new (very expensive) shoes.
Then bury my ass barefoot.
...Because you KNOW the dogs will have peed on my shoes in a sign of solidarity and hatred that I have passed.
(come on, it's weiner dogs - - that is their protesting MO....pee on everything!)
At least long enough for me to wear my new (very expensive) shoes.
Then bury my ass barefoot.
...Because you KNOW the dogs will have peed on my shoes in a sign of solidarity and hatred that I have passed.
(come on, it's weiner dogs - - that is their protesting MO....pee on everything!)
"Let me 'splain...no..there is too much... let me sum up"
Wow.
How to condense years into a post.
This is where my "live gently and love more" motto originates...
"Buttercup is marry Humperdinck in a little less than half an hour"...
...that is probably a pretty good summary of my life. Intrigue, betrayal and lots of Mandy Patinkin.
Okay, maybe not so much with Mandy.
But the eight years was wild. And, come on...you KNOW I would refer to "The Princess Bride" as a reference. It was a given.
I ran through Blue Vertigo (remorseless liar)......
....then Buzz...(soul-less cheater)....
....and worked my way through a few others who don't even warrant mention.
I spent four years with "Doc"....the brilliant PhD who almost had me tied down....until he admitted (after being engaged for five months....and dating for four years) that he wasn't ready to get married...and that he had only proposed because he was afraid of losing me.
...and, cue the huge, flaming exit (on my part). I'm not proud of my behaviour during that period...but I learned some very, very valuable lessons:
And, then I betrayed a trust. I never should have done so. But, I did. After ongoing discussion regarding how the interaction was unhealthy - I broke. It wasn't my place to share or defend the other person involved. But, I did it.
And, for that, I lost some of my dearest friends. Did I deserve to lose their trust? Yes. I did. Does it hurt that it happened? Very much so, even to this day. These were MY dearest friends. They had been my friends for almost a decade.
But, I killed that friendship when I broke down and betrayed the trust of another.
I apologized. To that person, multiple times. And, I have been on the receiving end of their ire, venom and threats. I deserved that. They shared. They trusted. I betrayed that. I will admit it.
While I could defend myself with arguments regarding their mental/emotional manipulation, as well as some very, very serious unresolved issues between the two of us...
I still betrayed a friend.
But, even moreso....I lost the friendship of people I had known for almost a decade. The people who had seen me at my very best, and my very worst. And those people still loved and supported me through those times.
But, this time? I didn't have those friends to fall back upon....to say, "I made a mistake, and I only want to make it right and do my best to make things whole"...
...because the friends lined up alongside that other person.
Gut-wrenching. Yes. But, in all honesty....that other person not only wanted, but NEEDED the love and support of friends. So much self-doubt, so much indecision, so much disbelief in their own worth. Even if I had not been the catalyst for my own destruction, there were so many times that I assured that other person that the "true friends" were there, and would be true...
Yes, the friends were there for that person. And, for as much anguish and pain as it has caused me in the past year...missing out on the 'touchstone' moments we have always shared...
the thought that someone was the recipient of the love and support they deserved to thrive?
....that is worth the price I paid, still pay...and will continue to pay every day via the loss of the people I once held most dear...
"Live gently, and love more" became my lesson.
And it came with some hellacious scars.
How to condense years into a post.
This is where my "live gently and love more" motto originates...
"Buttercup is marry Humperdinck in a little less than half an hour"...
...that is probably a pretty good summary of my life. Intrigue, betrayal and lots of Mandy Patinkin.
Okay, maybe not so much with Mandy.
But the eight years was wild. And, come on...you KNOW I would refer to "The Princess Bride" as a reference. It was a given.
I ran through Blue Vertigo (remorseless liar)......
....then Buzz...(soul-less cheater)....
....and worked my way through a few others who don't even warrant mention.
I spent four years with "Doc"....the brilliant PhD who almost had me tied down....until he admitted (after being engaged for five months....and dating for four years) that he wasn't ready to get married...and that he had only proposed because he was afraid of losing me.
...and, cue the huge, flaming exit (on my part). I'm not proud of my behaviour during that period...but I learned some very, very valuable lessons:
- Treat others as you wish to be treated (i.e. if you decide someone fits in only one area of your life, and you sequester them there....either ensure that they understand and accept it, or expect them to react accordingly to that rejection).
- Don't close yourself off from the unknown, the unexplored and the unaccepted. Everyone deserves to be accepted for who they are....if they will only accept it themselves.
- And, when it all falls apart, don't rely upon those you have known for years to either understand your reasons for doing what you did....or to support your stance when the pieces start crashing down. Because self-preservation and social/political currency will always trump friendship.
And, then I betrayed a trust. I never should have done so. But, I did. After ongoing discussion regarding how the interaction was unhealthy - I broke. It wasn't my place to share or defend the other person involved. But, I did it.
And, for that, I lost some of my dearest friends. Did I deserve to lose their trust? Yes. I did. Does it hurt that it happened? Very much so, even to this day. These were MY dearest friends. They had been my friends for almost a decade.
But, I killed that friendship when I broke down and betrayed the trust of another.
I apologized. To that person, multiple times. And, I have been on the receiving end of their ire, venom and threats. I deserved that. They shared. They trusted. I betrayed that. I will admit it.
While I could defend myself with arguments regarding their mental/emotional manipulation, as well as some very, very serious unresolved issues between the two of us...
I still betrayed a friend.
But, even moreso....I lost the friendship of people I had known for almost a decade. The people who had seen me at my very best, and my very worst. And those people still loved and supported me through those times.
But, this time? I didn't have those friends to fall back upon....to say, "I made a mistake, and I only want to make it right and do my best to make things whole"...
...because the friends lined up alongside that other person.
Gut-wrenching. Yes. But, in all honesty....that other person not only wanted, but NEEDED the love and support of friends. So much self-doubt, so much indecision, so much disbelief in their own worth. Even if I had not been the catalyst for my own destruction, there were so many times that I assured that other person that the "true friends" were there, and would be true...
Yes, the friends were there for that person. And, for as much anguish and pain as it has caused me in the past year...missing out on the 'touchstone' moments we have always shared...
the thought that someone was the recipient of the love and support they deserved to thrive?
....that is worth the price I paid, still pay...and will continue to pay every day via the loss of the people I once held most dear...
"Live gently, and love more" became my lesson.
And it came with some hellacious scars.
...slinking back in...
...after over eight years....
There have been stories, and more stories.
Blogs, and more blogs...(thank heaven most are password protected or deleted)
But, I have returned home.
Shall we see just how much mayhem I can cause in my tiny, original little slice of the vast web?
With history as my guide, it's bound to get very, very ugly.
There have been stories, and more stories.
Blogs, and more blogs...(thank heaven most are password protected or deleted)
But, I have returned home.
Shall we see just how much mayhem I can cause in my tiny, original little slice of the vast web?
With history as my guide, it's bound to get very, very ugly.
Monday, May 16, 2005
It is Time.....
to unveil
UnfortunateSerendipity.com
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the new site is up and running. I am still learning the ways of WordPress, but do me a favor and bookmark the new site, as I will no longer be updating at this Blogger address.
Archives are immigrating slowly but surely, as Blogger and I fight a custody battle over my intellectual (or non-intellectual) property.
Special thanks to Justin Baeder, WebbleYou, and Greg Kendall-Ball in helping me give birth to the new site. (No, none of them has been designated the father, thank you very much.)
UnfortunateSerendipity.com
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the new site is up and running. I am still learning the ways of WordPress, but do me a favor and bookmark the new site, as I will no longer be updating at this Blogger address.
Archives are immigrating slowly but surely, as Blogger and I fight a custody battle over my intellectual (or non-intellectual) property.
Special thanks to Justin Baeder, WebbleYou, and Greg Kendall-Ball in helping me give birth to the new site. (No, none of them has been designated the father, thank you very much.)
Monday, May 09, 2005
You had me at hello....
Apparently, she did......as we have learned. Kenny Chesney and Renee Zellweger say 'I Do'.
Much better choice than Jack White from The White Stripes, if you ask me.
Much better choice than Jack White from The White Stripes, if you ask me.
The (un)timely demise of the DSG
The DSG has pretty much disbanded. Not that there was every much cohesion within the group. But, one must still mark the passing of an era.
The DSG (Divorce Support Group) headquarters was on Beltline Road in Irving...aka Villa d'Freeman...aka, my house. Membership was limited...to three people - myself, The Wired Monkey and Zen.
All had gone through divorces within six months of one another...and all chose to lean on the collective shoulders of the group. Granted, our brand of self-help wasn't exactly life-changing - - mainly good food and sometimes slightly questionable cinematic entertainment.
But, we were there for one another.
Now, however, the DSG has gone the way of the dinosaur and poodle skirts.
People are moving on. The Wired Monkey has found his inspiration in Lamp Lover. After finally meeting her at a quick lunch on Saturday....I can understand why he is so smitten with her. She's great. Very quick wit, and seems strong enough to handle the Monkey. Love you, Monkey - - you know that. The Wired Monkey seems to be the member with the most enthusiastic zest for the pursuit of a new relationship - - - unabashedly going for it. Wish I was that comfortable and secure with my self-worth. He's great to watch.
Zen is in introspective mode. Imagine that. He's not quite ready to make a physical move...but his experience with divorce happened six months after The Wired Monkey's experience....and five months after mine. He's making his progress...at his own pace. He's viewing it as a wading pool, I believe. He'll stick a toe in there....test the temperature and observe the ripple effect. If that suits him...then he might splash around in ankle deep water until he's fully comfortable. I am considering buying him a pair of water wings, just in case.
I have begun the tentative steps forward, also. Blue Vertigo has pretty much blown out of the water every expectation, schedule, pre-conceived notion, standard accepted practice, and socially acceptable tradition that I had stubbornly clung to for most of my existence. It's genuinely amazing and terrifying at the same instant. But, he celebrates my 'perfectly flawed' nature and hangs on for dear life during our discussions, which veer and sway like verbal rollercoasters. Plus, we do a darn good job of getting our responsibilities taken care of when we're together. This weekend was quite nice....though most of it was spent conducting business, research, writing and data entry. We both had our tasks to complete...but it was so nice to have some human companionship while getting things done. Scared much? Yes. Enjoying it? More so than I can express. Hopeful about the future? You'd better believe it. We will find ourselves amused by the sheer implausible origins of our new relationship...the 'if I hadn't, then we wouldn't' type conversations. Chance meeting, yes. Very, Very much so.
To bring my tag line back into things - - 'Why must everything come together perfectly at the wrong time?' You just can't choose to time these events. You can only take a deep breath and jump. So far, the ride's been great......and I couldn't ask for more.
So, cheers and goodbye to the DSG....we're making our way back into the fray, thanks to good friendship and encouragement...we can all say we're glad to leave those tougher times behind.
The DSG (Divorce Support Group) headquarters was on Beltline Road in Irving...aka Villa d'Freeman...aka, my house. Membership was limited...to three people - myself, The Wired Monkey and Zen.
All had gone through divorces within six months of one another...and all chose to lean on the collective shoulders of the group. Granted, our brand of self-help wasn't exactly life-changing - - mainly good food and sometimes slightly questionable cinematic entertainment.
But, we were there for one another.
Now, however, the DSG has gone the way of the dinosaur and poodle skirts.
People are moving on. The Wired Monkey has found his inspiration in Lamp Lover. After finally meeting her at a quick lunch on Saturday....I can understand why he is so smitten with her. She's great. Very quick wit, and seems strong enough to handle the Monkey. Love you, Monkey - - you know that. The Wired Monkey seems to be the member with the most enthusiastic zest for the pursuit of a new relationship - - - unabashedly going for it. Wish I was that comfortable and secure with my self-worth. He's great to watch.
Zen is in introspective mode. Imagine that. He's not quite ready to make a physical move...but his experience with divorce happened six months after The Wired Monkey's experience....and five months after mine. He's making his progress...at his own pace. He's viewing it as a wading pool, I believe. He'll stick a toe in there....test the temperature and observe the ripple effect. If that suits him...then he might splash around in ankle deep water until he's fully comfortable. I am considering buying him a pair of water wings, just in case.
I have begun the tentative steps forward, also. Blue Vertigo has pretty much blown out of the water every expectation, schedule, pre-conceived notion, standard accepted practice, and socially acceptable tradition that I had stubbornly clung to for most of my existence. It's genuinely amazing and terrifying at the same instant. But, he celebrates my 'perfectly flawed' nature and hangs on for dear life during our discussions, which veer and sway like verbal rollercoasters. Plus, we do a darn good job of getting our responsibilities taken care of when we're together. This weekend was quite nice....though most of it was spent conducting business, research, writing and data entry. We both had our tasks to complete...but it was so nice to have some human companionship while getting things done. Scared much? Yes. Enjoying it? More so than I can express. Hopeful about the future? You'd better believe it. We will find ourselves amused by the sheer implausible origins of our new relationship...the 'if I hadn't, then we wouldn't' type conversations. Chance meeting, yes. Very, Very much so.
To bring my tag line back into things - - 'Why must everything come together perfectly at the wrong time?' You just can't choose to time these events. You can only take a deep breath and jump. So far, the ride's been great......and I couldn't ask for more.
So, cheers and goodbye to the DSG....we're making our way back into the fray, thanks to good friendship and encouragement...we can all say we're glad to leave those tougher times behind.
Sunday, May 08, 2005
Do you ever get to that point?
Yes, as I type this...I am watching the time creep closer to three in the morning.
Blue Vertigo and I are sitting at my dining room table....laptops creating a shoulder high barrier that we glance over from time to time.
I am working on conversion data for my payroll system, and Blue Vertigo is working on homework...something about 'Ten Days with Diaper Rash'......(the aforementioned 'Diaper Rash' being a fictional name for a band......with which he is planning a fictional independent tour.....etc etc. as a class assignment).
We're both working hard to get things done. It doesn't help that my wireless web has had some 'connectivity' issues. I had to call Zen over to help us out. I won't go into details....but his declaration of the problem consisted of, 'That m*(#$%#$^$%^&$% piece of C*$(*#^(*#^$(@*#" .....but ultimately ended with Zen being crowned King Geek once again.
Blue Vertigo hates my guts right now. From what I can gather - - - he's not as much of a fan of flip-flop shopping as I had hoped.
At 9:00am, Blue Vertigo and I were conquering the monetary abyss that is Wal-Mart. I needed some necessities...including Diet Coke, baby oil gel (have to have smooth skin this summer) and 25 watt light bulbs (no thanks to Vic...who kept promising to supply some for me.)
Of course, we happen upon the flip-flop aisle. I want flip-flops. No, I NEED flip-flops.
Correction, We ARE NOT walking out of the store until BOTH Blue Vertigo and I have flip-flops.
(As an aside, ladies....I am pretty sure Blue Vertigo is now searching for a new girlfriend. Applications will be accepted over at his blog.)
I got a cute little pair of plain blue ones.....and Blue Vertigo (the risk-taker he is) ended up with a pair that looked exactly like the pair he wore into the store. Ponder that, my chickadees. Does he have a fear of the unknown? The inability to try something new? Does he have an unnatural attraction to that particular style? Is it an issue from childhood? I think I need to talk to his mother about this flip-flop issue.
Well....ladies and gents...it is 2:58.....I am gonna get back to work...and Blue Vertigo is, too. Otherwise, he has to stop mooching off of my wireless connection and go home!
Blue Vertigo and I are sitting at my dining room table....laptops creating a shoulder high barrier that we glance over from time to time.
I am working on conversion data for my payroll system, and Blue Vertigo is working on homework...something about 'Ten Days with Diaper Rash'......(the aforementioned 'Diaper Rash' being a fictional name for a band......with which he is planning a fictional independent tour.....etc etc. as a class assignment).
We're both working hard to get things done. It doesn't help that my wireless web has had some 'connectivity' issues. I had to call Zen over to help us out. I won't go into details....but his declaration of the problem consisted of, 'That m*(#$%#$^$%^&$% piece of C*$(*#^(*#^$(@*#" .....but ultimately ended with Zen being crowned King Geek once again.
Blue Vertigo hates my guts right now. From what I can gather - - - he's not as much of a fan of flip-flop shopping as I had hoped.
At 9:00am, Blue Vertigo and I were conquering the monetary abyss that is Wal-Mart. I needed some necessities...including Diet Coke, baby oil gel (have to have smooth skin this summer) and 25 watt light bulbs (no thanks to Vic...who kept promising to supply some for me.)
Of course, we happen upon the flip-flop aisle. I want flip-flops. No, I NEED flip-flops.
Correction, We ARE NOT walking out of the store until BOTH Blue Vertigo and I have flip-flops.
(As an aside, ladies....I am pretty sure Blue Vertigo is now searching for a new girlfriend. Applications will be accepted over at his blog.)
I got a cute little pair of plain blue ones.....and Blue Vertigo (the risk-taker he is) ended up with a pair that looked exactly like the pair he wore into the store. Ponder that, my chickadees. Does he have a fear of the unknown? The inability to try something new? Does he have an unnatural attraction to that particular style? Is it an issue from childhood? I think I need to talk to his mother about this flip-flop issue.
Well....ladies and gents...it is 2:58.....I am gonna get back to work...and Blue Vertigo is, too. Otherwise, he has to stop mooching off of my wireless connection and go home!
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Whabadoohuh?
I don't often blog about anything to do with work...but this is just too hilarious to pass up.
Today, a coworker in a management position came into my office and casually mentioned that one of our employees (in another location) was rather upset with me because said employee had called me three weeks before and I had never returned that person's call.
I was rather puzzled. I am pretty good at returning calls - - even if it takes me a day to get around to all of them. I went back through my mind, searched the recesses of my brain, and came to the conclusion that said employee's message had never gotten to me.
This bugged me, BIG TIME. I hate it if an employee feels like I have 'failed' them in any way. Especially when that employee chooses to voice their disappointment to others instead of taking it up with me.
After my coworker left the office...I picked up the phone and called the employee - - who is located at one of our branches in another part of the state. The employee came to the phone.....and I explained that I had heard that the employee was upset with me for not returning the call. I stated that I had simply not gotten a message and wanted to know if there was anything I could do to help the employee out.
The answer?
"Yeah...I called.....but I didn't feel like leaving a message."
I love my employees - - but my phone doesn't have a caller ID log...and, however talented I may be in many areas of my life...mind-reading is not one of my gifts.
You can't win for losing.
Today, a coworker in a management position came into my office and casually mentioned that one of our employees (in another location) was rather upset with me because said employee had called me three weeks before and I had never returned that person's call.
I was rather puzzled. I am pretty good at returning calls - - even if it takes me a day to get around to all of them. I went back through my mind, searched the recesses of my brain, and came to the conclusion that said employee's message had never gotten to me.
This bugged me, BIG TIME. I hate it if an employee feels like I have 'failed' them in any way. Especially when that employee chooses to voice their disappointment to others instead of taking it up with me.
After my coworker left the office...I picked up the phone and called the employee - - who is located at one of our branches in another part of the state. The employee came to the phone.....and I explained that I had heard that the employee was upset with me for not returning the call. I stated that I had simply not gotten a message and wanted to know if there was anything I could do to help the employee out.
The answer?
"Yeah...I called.....but I didn't feel like leaving a message."
I love my employees - - but my phone doesn't have a caller ID log...and, however talented I may be in many areas of my life...mind-reading is not one of my gifts.
You can't win for losing.
Update
CR is home from the hospital....she is resting comfortably.
GW is home from the hospital, too. They let her out today! And, the baby is doing fine. Turns out, the 'mass' they discovered in her side was a very, very infected appendix.
My grandmother is also home.
Thank you so much for the prayers for these three special ladies.
GW is home from the hospital, too. They let her out today! And, the baby is doing fine. Turns out, the 'mass' they discovered in her side was a very, very infected appendix.
My grandmother is also home.
Thank you so much for the prayers for these three special ladies.
BRRRRRRR....
Did someone forget to tell Mother Nature it's MAY?
It was 50 degrees when I rolled out of bed this morning. I was not amused. And I feel truly sorry for my Canadian friend Linds. She asked me 'So, what's the weather like down there this time of year?'
Foolishly, I told her, 'Oh, it should be in the low 80s.' I should be flogged senseless for omitting the standard Texas catch-phrase....'but hang around for five minutes...it'll change'.
Good gosh, let's hope she packed some warm clothes....or can borrow some from Dev.
Right now, I am taking a break from doing actual WORK work, and am letting my mind unwind by blogging and listening to some acoustic Alanis Morissette. More specifically, I am trying to get rid of the 'Head Over Feet' earworm that has been pestering me for about a week now.
A lot of my life is mirroring that 'old' song right now. Been teetering on the edge of something...with fear holding me back. But someone isn't content with leaving it at that. That person is reiterating and reiterating his stance. He is a part of almost every aspect of my life.....he WANTS to be there. Reassurance, reinforcement, realization. And, it's amazing. Wow, it is a little too much for me to go into right now. And, I really don't want to go into it. It's private....it's not for public consumption. There are just some things a girl needs to keep to herself. It's almost like all of it is contained in a fragile bubble....an globe of iridescence.....thoughts and emotions. I want to protect this feeling as long as I can.......it's not as special when you pour everything out for everyone else to see and share. That time will come.
I am being selfish. This contemplation is mine......and his.
It was 50 degrees when I rolled out of bed this morning. I was not amused. And I feel truly sorry for my Canadian friend Linds. She asked me 'So, what's the weather like down there this time of year?'
Foolishly, I told her, 'Oh, it should be in the low 80s.' I should be flogged senseless for omitting the standard Texas catch-phrase....'but hang around for five minutes...it'll change'.
Good gosh, let's hope she packed some warm clothes....or can borrow some from Dev.
Right now, I am taking a break from doing actual WORK work, and am letting my mind unwind by blogging and listening to some acoustic Alanis Morissette. More specifically, I am trying to get rid of the 'Head Over Feet' earworm that has been pestering me for about a week now.
A lot of my life is mirroring that 'old' song right now. Been teetering on the edge of something...with fear holding me back. But someone isn't content with leaving it at that. That person is reiterating and reiterating his stance. He is a part of almost every aspect of my life.....he WANTS to be there. Reassurance, reinforcement, realization. And, it's amazing. Wow, it is a little too much for me to go into right now. And, I really don't want to go into it. It's private....it's not for public consumption. There are just some things a girl needs to keep to herself. It's almost like all of it is contained in a fragile bubble....an globe of iridescence.....thoughts and emotions. I want to protect this feeling as long as I can.......it's not as special when you pour everything out for everyone else to see and share. That time will come.
I am being selfish. This contemplation is mine......and his.
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
......the dark side......
Heh.....the blogging world has claimed another 'victim'. Blue Vertigo is now broadcasting his musings over at Tips for Nosedive Avoidance.
I feel like quite the queen of encouragement....um, enablement?
I feel like quite the queen of encouragement....um, enablement?
Monday, May 02, 2005
Not the best news on earth....
You know....you can be having a very, very busy day......and it can be good.
Then, you get hit with bits and pieces of bad news. Not bad for me, personally, because I am not going through physical pain...but I feel badly for the people affected.
My grandmother is in the hospital. Seems I am the last to know things like this. She has had a pacemaker put in....but everything seems to be going well and she should be home soon. Please say a few prayers for my Memama......because she's a wonderful, wonderful grandma and I want her to heal quickly and get back into her Memama ways.
My friend CR from Abilene is in the hospital. She had emergency surgery on Thursday...surgery that is related to some prior surgeries she has had. Today is the first day she has been coherent enough to talk to people...and we had a good conversation. She's a little down - - she's upset that the surgical scars that were fading have now been restored to their brand-new, right after surgery glory. Pray for quick healing for her...she needs a pick-me-up. Pray for the special person really close to her to hurry up and visit her soon.
My friend GW ended up in the ER late last week in excruciating pain......and now she's in the hospital in Abilene. A call to her hospital room about an hour ago was answered by her mother. GW is in surgery herself. The kicker is - GW is about 12 weeks pregnant, and I am not sure how this surgery is going to affect her unborn child. I could be that there is no viable way in which to correct the problem while protecting the life of the child. Prayers for her are requested, also.
And, while it may seem trifle to some.....TheWiredMonkey has also been hit with some terrible news. His precious "Millie" cat passed away today. Now, she was quite old, and had lived a full life...but that is of little comfort to him now. "Millie" and I had a very spotty track record in the friendship department - - but I loved her just the same. She was a beautiful cat, and adored TWM as much as a cat can adore anyone. So, prayers for him as he says goodbye to her.
I am not gonna post about my weekend....or other things going on. Instead, I'm gonna take some time to say a few heartfelt prayers and send some healing mojo to the people I love.
Then, you get hit with bits and pieces of bad news. Not bad for me, personally, because I am not going through physical pain...but I feel badly for the people affected.
My grandmother is in the hospital. Seems I am the last to know things like this. She has had a pacemaker put in....but everything seems to be going well and she should be home soon. Please say a few prayers for my Memama......because she's a wonderful, wonderful grandma and I want her to heal quickly and get back into her Memama ways.
My friend CR from Abilene is in the hospital. She had emergency surgery on Thursday...surgery that is related to some prior surgeries she has had. Today is the first day she has been coherent enough to talk to people...and we had a good conversation. She's a little down - - she's upset that the surgical scars that were fading have now been restored to their brand-new, right after surgery glory. Pray for quick healing for her...she needs a pick-me-up. Pray for the special person really close to her to hurry up and visit her soon.
My friend GW ended up in the ER late last week in excruciating pain......and now she's in the hospital in Abilene. A call to her hospital room about an hour ago was answered by her mother. GW is in surgery herself. The kicker is - GW is about 12 weeks pregnant, and I am not sure how this surgery is going to affect her unborn child. I could be that there is no viable way in which to correct the problem while protecting the life of the child. Prayers for her are requested, also.
And, while it may seem trifle to some.....TheWiredMonkey has also been hit with some terrible news. His precious "Millie" cat passed away today. Now, she was quite old, and had lived a full life...but that is of little comfort to him now. "Millie" and I had a very spotty track record in the friendship department - - but I loved her just the same. She was a beautiful cat, and adored TWM as much as a cat can adore anyone. So, prayers for him as he says goodbye to her.
I am not gonna post about my weekend....or other things going on. Instead, I'm gonna take some time to say a few heartfelt prayers and send some healing mojo to the people I love.
Friday, April 29, 2005
Take Me...I'm Yours........
If you will buy me tickets to this concert and take me to it that night.
Two for the Price of One
Last night was the Bruce Springsteen show at Nokia Theatre in Grand Prairie.
Yeah.
That's about all I can say - since I am still letting the performance sink in. Now, remember, I have NEVER before seen Bruce live......with or without the E Street Band. Needless to say, I am thrilled I got to see him solo first.
Just to let you see what transpired....I have included his setlist:
Reason to Believe (great beginning - keeping the beat and emphasis by stomping his foot...the purposeful distortion of the bluesy-sounding song made it difficult to understand every word)
Devils and Dust
Youngstown
Lonesome Day
Long Time Comin
Silver Palomino
For You
Two Faces
Part Man, Part Monkey
Galveston Bay
Maria's Bed
Reno
Real World (he took this request straight from a guy in the audience)
My Hometown (my favorite Bruce song...backed only by a piano last night...wow, I got chills)
The Rising (I actually liked this version better than his original)
Further On
Jesus Was an Only Son
Leah
The Hitter
Matamoros Banks
Encore
Oklahoma Hills (with Jimmy LaFave, singer/songwriter from Austin)
Waitin' on a Sunny Day
My Best Was Never Good Enough
The Promised Land
As you can see, it was a great set. I kept looking over at Blue Vertigo to see if he was enjoying himself. I figured, as much as Blue Vertigo plays, he would have an appreciation for the way Bruce plays guitar....but I didn't know just how much. His eyes were usually glued to The Boss or to one of the two large monitors when they focused in on Bruce's hands. He was picking apart the chords and hand placement.....intent on every sound emanating from the guitar. I know he was...I could see the little gears turning in his mind. *shakes head* Guitar players. Sheesh.
We had excellent seats, in the second section, second row...slightly right of center stage. If you didn't already know - - I won them. I didn't know Bruce was coming to play until the day I called in.....and I was pretty excited to win.......because I definitely couldn't have gotten seats this good by begging and pleading for help from the online ticket-vending giants at ticketmaster.com
Not only was the concert GREAT....but we got a small, unexpected bonus. After we got settled in our seats....and Blue Vertigo began 'people watching'......a man walked up to the railing directly in front of us (directly=approximately three and a half to four feet from my living, breathing body).
I glanced...did a double-take.....and then proceded to stare with the most idiotic grin. I kept whispering to Blue Vertigo, "Hey...look...it's (insert name of individual in question here)."
Blue Vertigo was oblivious to me....watching everything else around us.
About 30 seconds later, he looks at me and says, 'Hey, that guy kinda looks like (insert name of individual in question here)."
To which I roll my eyes and emphatically state, "It IS (insert name of individual in question here)."
The mystery man?
PAT GREEN
Yup. I got to grin like the fool ol' girl I am at that man for about four minutes as he carried on a very animated conversation with the guy sitting next to us, culminating with Pat doing little devil horns on either side of his head while discussing what I can only guess would be his behavior later in the evening. I was dumbfounded. I am kicking myself today. Big surprise. I did nothing more than smile and nod a hello at the man.
Unfortunate Serendipity is a wuss. And shy. Thank you very much.
Yeah.
That's about all I can say - since I am still letting the performance sink in. Now, remember, I have NEVER before seen Bruce live......with or without the E Street Band. Needless to say, I am thrilled I got to see him solo first.
Just to let you see what transpired....I have included his setlist:
Reason to Believe (great beginning - keeping the beat and emphasis by stomping his foot...the purposeful distortion of the bluesy-sounding song made it difficult to understand every word)
Devils and Dust
Youngstown
Lonesome Day
Long Time Comin
Silver Palomino
For You
Two Faces
Part Man, Part Monkey
Galveston Bay
Maria's Bed
Reno
Real World (he took this request straight from a guy in the audience)
My Hometown (my favorite Bruce song...backed only by a piano last night...wow, I got chills)
The Rising (I actually liked this version better than his original)
Further On
Jesus Was an Only Son
Leah
The Hitter
Matamoros Banks
Encore
Oklahoma Hills (with Jimmy LaFave, singer/songwriter from Austin)
Waitin' on a Sunny Day
My Best Was Never Good Enough
The Promised Land
As you can see, it was a great set. I kept looking over at Blue Vertigo to see if he was enjoying himself. I figured, as much as Blue Vertigo plays, he would have an appreciation for the way Bruce plays guitar....but I didn't know just how much. His eyes were usually glued to The Boss or to one of the two large monitors when they focused in on Bruce's hands. He was picking apart the chords and hand placement.....intent on every sound emanating from the guitar. I know he was...I could see the little gears turning in his mind. *shakes head* Guitar players. Sheesh.
We had excellent seats, in the second section, second row...slightly right of center stage. If you didn't already know - - I won them. I didn't know Bruce was coming to play until the day I called in.....and I was pretty excited to win.......because I definitely couldn't have gotten seats this good by begging and pleading for help from the online ticket-vending giants at ticketmaster.com
Not only was the concert GREAT....but we got a small, unexpected bonus. After we got settled in our seats....and Blue Vertigo began 'people watching'......a man walked up to the railing directly in front of us (directly=approximately three and a half to four feet from my living, breathing body).
I glanced...did a double-take.....and then proceded to stare with the most idiotic grin. I kept whispering to Blue Vertigo, "Hey...look...it's (insert name of individual in question here)."
Blue Vertigo was oblivious to me....watching everything else around us.
About 30 seconds later, he looks at me and says, 'Hey, that guy kinda looks like (insert name of individual in question here)."
To which I roll my eyes and emphatically state, "It IS (insert name of individual in question here)."
The mystery man?
PAT GREEN
Yup. I got to grin like the fool ol' girl I am at that man for about four minutes as he carried on a very animated conversation with the guy sitting next to us, culminating with Pat doing little devil horns on either side of his head while discussing what I can only guess would be his behavior later in the evening. I was dumbfounded. I am kicking myself today. Big surprise. I did nothing more than smile and nod a hello at the man.
Unfortunate Serendipity is a wuss. And shy. Thank you very much.
Thursday, April 28, 2005
The Incredibly Tired Unfortunate Serendipity
Poor Blue Vertigo has got to be fed up with me.
TWO nights in a row I have tried to sit down and watch 'The Incredibles' with him...and have fallen fast asleep. Don't get me wrong - - - the movie is adorable. But when the urge to sleep strikes, I am powerless.
I think I am a closet narcoleptic. And poor Blue Vertigo has been stuck watching that thing over and over...with me making only fifteen minutes of it one night...and less than an hour the next. He'll be quoting the entire movie for me, word for word, by the time I can finish the darn thing.
TWO nights in a row I have tried to sit down and watch 'The Incredibles' with him...and have fallen fast asleep. Don't get me wrong - - - the movie is adorable. But when the urge to sleep strikes, I am powerless.
I think I am a closet narcoleptic. And poor Blue Vertigo has been stuck watching that thing over and over...with me making only fifteen minutes of it one night...and less than an hour the next. He'll be quoting the entire movie for me, word for word, by the time I can finish the darn thing.
Monday, April 25, 2005
Devils and Dust
Thursday night, I will be at NOKIA Theatre at Grand Prairie to experience Bruce Springsteen's solo acoustic tour.
Yeah - I'm pretty excited.
Yeah - I'm pretty excited.
Who's Gonna Drive You Home.......?
The drive home to visit the parental units was pretty dreadful. I have had a lot on my mind, with mom having been sick and dad so worried about the things we are working on. I practically chewed my fingernails off on the way home and during the course of the weekend.
By the time I headed back on Sunday - it was 5pm. Ugh. Four hours in the car - with two puppies. They actually behaved, a little.
It was so nice to make it home, though. To walk back into my apartment (which has been designated a disaster area - - it's so messy)...well, that wasn't fun.
I don't know what it is about the drive - - but I dread it. Thank goodness for good music. I relaxed to some Explosions in the Sky....and bounced along to some Elvis T. Busboy. Then I hit Kean 105 territory and turned back into a country-music lovin' West Texas farmgirl....it's inevitable.
Spent some time with Blue Vertigo on Sunday night. Didn't have the energy to do much - - he popped a movie into his DVD player and we promptly ignored it as we talked through our weekends and discussed the drama that had ensued while he was ensconced here in the metroplex and while I was tooling around West Texas. I just haven't felt up to going out.
By the time I headed back on Sunday - it was 5pm. Ugh. Four hours in the car - with two puppies. They actually behaved, a little.
It was so nice to make it home, though. To walk back into my apartment (which has been designated a disaster area - - it's so messy)...well, that wasn't fun.
I don't know what it is about the drive - - but I dread it. Thank goodness for good music. I relaxed to some Explosions in the Sky....and bounced along to some Elvis T. Busboy. Then I hit Kean 105 territory and turned back into a country-music lovin' West Texas farmgirl....it's inevitable.
Spent some time with Blue Vertigo on Sunday night. Didn't have the energy to do much - - he popped a movie into his DVD player and we promptly ignored it as we talked through our weekends and discussed the drama that had ensued while he was ensconced here in the metroplex and while I was tooling around West Texas. I just haven't felt up to going out.
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
'To see a world in a grain of sand, And heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,
And eternity in an hour.'
First published by Rossetti in Gilchrist's Life of William Blake (1863)
-William Blake, Auguries of Innocence
These arrived in my office today - - and I was taken by surprise. Enthralled and uplifted by the beauty of these flowers, my day was WONDERFUL.
Seems Blue Vertigo wanted to surprise me, and surprise me he did. I am sure he will forgive me stealing his quote....for I feel it fits here.
Forgive the bad hair day - and just enjoy the pics!
MY NEW FLOWERS - COURTESY OF BLUE VERTIGO
A gorgeous addition to my desk - much prettier than the files it replaced.
A beautiful closeup of a stargazer lily from the arrangement...one of Blue Vertigo's personal favorite flowers.
I was having a good day. I was expecting a surprise - - Blue Vertigo had warned me about that. But, honestly - I was expecting my surprise to be Blue Vertigo. He had made mention of trying to take a long lunch at some point to come see me. Today, though, Murphy's law went into overdrive in his life. Poor Blue Vertigo. So, I reasoned, no lunch with him today. I was a little disappointed, but was hopeful his day would improve.
I was in the warehouse, procuring my drink of choice (Diet Coke), when the Office Manager for the Dallas Branch asked me, 'Is it your birthday?' I turned to see a delivery person holding this huge, gorgeous arrangement. I was rendered completely speechless.....which, for me, is totally unheard of (just ask anyone who knows me).
I carried them back to my desk and stared in amazement. I couldn't even concentrate on work for the longest time, as I absorbed the fragrance and the color.
Stargazer lilies, roses, carnations and bells of Ireland......the combination was enough to put me into sensory overload. I think Blue Vertigo had that in mind. Wonderful boy.....wonderful, wonderful boy.
And eternity in an hour.'
First published by Rossetti in Gilchrist's Life of William Blake (1863)
-William Blake, Auguries of Innocence
These arrived in my office today - - and I was taken by surprise. Enthralled and uplifted by the beauty of these flowers, my day was WONDERFUL.
Seems Blue Vertigo wanted to surprise me, and surprise me he did. I am sure he will forgive me stealing his quote....for I feel it fits here.
Forgive the bad hair day - and just enjoy the pics!
MY NEW FLOWERS - COURTESY OF BLUE VERTIGO
A gorgeous addition to my desk - much prettier than the files it replaced.
A beautiful closeup of a stargazer lily from the arrangement...one of Blue Vertigo's personal favorite flowers.
I was having a good day. I was expecting a surprise - - Blue Vertigo had warned me about that. But, honestly - I was expecting my surprise to be Blue Vertigo. He had made mention of trying to take a long lunch at some point to come see me. Today, though, Murphy's law went into overdrive in his life. Poor Blue Vertigo. So, I reasoned, no lunch with him today. I was a little disappointed, but was hopeful his day would improve.
I was in the warehouse, procuring my drink of choice (Diet Coke), when the Office Manager for the Dallas Branch asked me, 'Is it your birthday?' I turned to see a delivery person holding this huge, gorgeous arrangement. I was rendered completely speechless.....which, for me, is totally unheard of (just ask anyone who knows me).
I carried them back to my desk and stared in amazement. I couldn't even concentrate on work for the longest time, as I absorbed the fragrance and the color.
Stargazer lilies, roses, carnations and bells of Ireland......the combination was enough to put me into sensory overload. I think Blue Vertigo had that in mind. Wonderful boy.....wonderful, wonderful boy.
Sunday, April 17, 2005
I'm feeling like a Monday, but someday I'll be Saturday Night.....
Saturday was a miasma of lethargy, interrupted by brief moments of pure energy.
The dogs went to the vet. Both of them. At the same time. At Banfield - which is inside PETSMART. They were way too into exploring. Now I know how a mom feels with two toddlers inside Toys R Us.
I am still fighting back the urge to request social security numbers for my dogs and claim 'em on my tax returns as dependents - - for how much their vet care set me back.
Vet Tech: "Miss Freeman, the initial visit today, plus testing and vaccines, will be approximately $318.00 for each of the dogs."
Me: "Can't you just charge by the pound?"
Vet Tech: "Will that be cash, check or charge?"
(Some people just have no sense of humor.)
Luckily, I thought ahead and enrolled them in a pet-wellness program, that covers examinations, phone consultations, vaccines, etc etc. So....what could have been a coronary-inducing event was rendered unnecessary - and I am almost over the heart palpitations. I still dropped over $250.00 at the vet alone...on set-up fees and the first month's premium. Still, I was thinking that bearing children couldn't be much more expensive....
Then, of course, we had to go play in the pet utopia that is PETSMART. We have matching collars now (the dogs...not me....I am not into collars), color-coordinated leashes, a new self-waterer, a really really nice stainless steel food dish, new treats and a huge stuffed camel. You heard me. I let 'em pick out a toy - - and they went ape over this hilarious stuffed camel with really long legs that rattle. Diva grabs one leg....Topher latches onto another....and Toph gets transported rather rudely across the floor. Add on various and sundry other puppy related stuff...and I walked out of there an additional $200.00 lighter in the wallet area.
A nap was in the plans.....I got the heathen children settled at home, promised Blue Vertigo I'd give him a call around 5:00, and I said goodbye to the world. Until the phone rang. I was grumpy - - it was Blue Vertigo. Seems I had slept through my 5:00pm wake-up....and it was closing in on 7:30pm. I felt like a heel.
I wasn't feeling up to a big night out, so we had a low-key evening in, just hanging out.
Here's my recipe for the perfect Saturday night:
The dogs went to the vet. Both of them. At the same time. At Banfield - which is inside PETSMART. They were way too into exploring. Now I know how a mom feels with two toddlers inside Toys R Us.
I am still fighting back the urge to request social security numbers for my dogs and claim 'em on my tax returns as dependents - - for how much their vet care set me back.
Vet Tech: "Miss Freeman, the initial visit today, plus testing and vaccines, will be approximately $318.00 for each of the dogs."
Me: "Can't you just charge by the pound?"
Vet Tech: "Will that be cash, check or charge?"
(Some people just have no sense of humor.)
Luckily, I thought ahead and enrolled them in a pet-wellness program, that covers examinations, phone consultations, vaccines, etc etc. So....what could have been a coronary-inducing event was rendered unnecessary - and I am almost over the heart palpitations. I still dropped over $250.00 at the vet alone...on set-up fees and the first month's premium. Still, I was thinking that bearing children couldn't be much more expensive....
Then, of course, we had to go play in the pet utopia that is PETSMART. We have matching collars now (the dogs...not me....I am not into collars), color-coordinated leashes, a new self-waterer, a really really nice stainless steel food dish, new treats and a huge stuffed camel. You heard me. I let 'em pick out a toy - - and they went ape over this hilarious stuffed camel with really long legs that rattle. Diva grabs one leg....Topher latches onto another....and Toph gets transported rather rudely across the floor. Add on various and sundry other puppy related stuff...and I walked out of there an additional $200.00 lighter in the wallet area.
A nap was in the plans.....I got the heathen children settled at home, promised Blue Vertigo I'd give him a call around 5:00, and I said goodbye to the world. Until the phone rang. I was grumpy - - it was Blue Vertigo. Seems I had slept through my 5:00pm wake-up....and it was closing in on 7:30pm. I felt like a heel.
I wasn't feeling up to a big night out, so we had a low-key evening in, just hanging out.
Here's my recipe for the perfect Saturday night:
- Good Company
- A couple of Freebirds burritos
- 'SpaceBalls'
- and, then at 2:00am 'The Three Amigos'
I know it sounds like I was a bump on a log. I am not ashamed of it. I told Blue Vertigo that I was feeling a little depressed - and I don't know why. I have no reason to be depressed. I think the evening in did me quite a bit of good....because I didn't have to put on the "happy Unfortunate Serendipity' mentality and be charming. Instead, I curled up on the couch, inhaled a Freebirds burrito, and belched and acted like a four year old. Yep, that's me.